Tim’s Musings

It’s nice to have you back. We hope you took part in the activity that Nomsa suggested in her guest blog post last week. Thanks for your feedback which confirmed that you enjoyed reading Nomsa’s post. Please share with family and friends.

If this is your first visit on our blog, for a bit of the background and the journey so far, we would suggest that you read first blog post, The Meeting, Ndine musikana wangu (I got myself a girl), Dating & Courtship , Meeting the Families , Cultural Hurdles, FAQ & Wedding Preparations, The Wedding Day Part 1 , The Wedding Day Part 2 , The Rest of the Wedding Day Honeymoon & Early Days 1, Honeymoon & Early Days 2 , Our Encounter with COVID-19, I’m Pregnant and Parenting – they don’t come with manuals, Parenting – they don’t come with manuals (cont) and Reflections from the youngest. For introduction of our family and categories of topics to be covered please visit the About Us page.

We are happy that this week we have our second guest blogger…

Hi there! It’s Tim here, the son of Jabulani and Wimbayi Mpofu, coming through with a feature on my favourite blog!

When my parents first expressed an interest in starting this blog to share and document their experiences, I thought it was a brilliant idea. Although my parents have never shied away from sharing their experiences with us, I always wondered about some of the detail and thought process behind some of their decisions. Indeed, I had heard many of their stories before (the one about how they met is an all-time classic) but I was especially interested in understanding more about how they navigated their relationship during the dating phase. That’s where the real juicy stuff is at, right?

Growing up, I always thought my parents started their life as adults. It’s only as I got older that I started to appreciate that once upon a time my parents were children, then teenagers, then young adults – you know, a similar growth path to my own. Learning from their experiences is invaluable.

Up to this point, you may be wondering what the theme of my guest blog will be. Well, that makes at least two of us! I have been delaying getting to the point as I really don’t know where to begin; there is so much to write about. And, I am now feeling the pressure – small. In fact, I have been contemplating what to write about for so long that Nomsa has finished the first draft of her feature and it is superb! An incredible reflective piece on the lessons she has learnt from the three of us. How can one top that?!

Although, it has just occurred to me, why my parents’ blog is indeed my favourite blog. It provides me with countless opportunities for reflection. I believe reflection is a fundamental part of personal growth. It enables us to explore and examine different aspects of ourselves which is important in gaining useful insights into our behaviours and thought processes. This helps us to move forward and develop as individuals.

Recently, I have spent a great deal of time reflecting about my career to date. I consider myself fortunate do be working in an industry that I enjoy, one that gives me a sense fulfilment and a feeling of purpose. But fun fact – this hasn’t always been the case. In fact, when I left university, I was insistent on never looking at another accounting or finance book again. Such was my disdain for the subject. So, what changed you may ask? Well, once the dust had settled, I took some time to reflect on my uni experience. This was something Dad (gently) encouraged me to do, as he could see that I was at my lowest point – I didn’t even want to attend my graduation ceremony. (cue picture of me smiling under duress at graduation)

It’s not uncommon to hear people say, “I wish someone had told me about this when I was younger”. Well, so I think I will share a couple of important pieces of advice my parents gave me before I started uni – that I then wilfully ignored, to my own detriment. Even though I ended up having to learn some of these the hard way whilst at university (sometimes experience is the best teacher), I still consider them to be life lessons that can be useful to anyone regardless of what stage they are in life.

“Be disciplined”.

Dad often shares a definition of the word discipline that he learnt from his high school teacher. “Discipline is doing what has to be done, when it has to be done, even if you don’t like doing it”. Sounds exactly like something a teacher would say before they go on to issue you with a disciplinary!

It never ceases to amaze me when I think about how much of a morning person I have now become. During my entire time at uni, I somehow managed to convince myself that it was impossible for anyone to do their best work in the early hours of the morning. I would frequently forgo essential study time in favour of either a lie-in or a late-night FIFA session with my flat mates (sometimes both).

When I think about this period, I realise that this was the only time in my life when I wasn’t a morning person, and unfortunately it showed in my grades. I underestimated the importance of routine. Looking back, I now realise the extent of my parent’s influence on my routine growing up. Several daily activities like prayer every morning and bedtime at a certain time had a positive impact on my day. The freedom vibes at uni had led me to neglect being disciplined in my work, health and my spirituality.

Of course, not everyone can be a morning person, however my personal advice would be to set a routine and be disciplined enough to stick to it.

“Avoid unnecessary distractions”.

Nomsa’s article in the Messenger which was included in a previous blog post is probably the gold standard in how to avoid unnecessary distractions. Unfortunately for me, she only went to uni after I had finished my studies!

My parents have always advised us against chasing temporary gratification whilst sacrificing future happiness. Often this is easier said than done. I have always enjoyed gaming, particularly FIFA. It didn’t take much to persuade me to get involved in a lengthy FIFA session. I remember one instance when I was working on an assignment with my group mates and we were struggling to solve a difficult problem. We resolved that the task was too challenging, and we needed to play some FIFA to release our collective creative energies. You can imagine how well we did in that assignment.

Being disciplined is important in avoiding unnecessary distractions. My personal advice – plan a reward for yourself after you have completed a challenging task. This can be anything that you enjoy doing. I find having something to look forward to really motivating, and fun is more fun when you know the work is out of the way!

Finally, I’ll leave you with a brief note on resilience – which I happened to learn after I had completed my university studies. My parents are quite possibly the most resilient people I know. They have so many stories that demonstrate this, and I am sure they will continue to share them on this blog from time to time. On the topic of university, I am always inspired by Mum’s story. From a young age, she always wanted to obtain a degree but never had the opportunity to do so. As soon as that opportunity was presented to her, and we had grown up enough to be independent, she pursued it and got her nursing degree in her 40s! What tenacity and determination.

Up until university, I hadn’t experienced any major setbacks in life. I had probably had it a bit too easy, which had led me to take many things for granted. But both my parents were there to support me and help me rebuild my good habits. And trust me, they will be the first to tell you that it wasn’t easy, and I can be very headstrong (I once claimed I would rather work at a fast-food restaurant for the rest of my life than work in a non-finance office job).

Bouncing back from any setback can be difficult. And it can also be difficult to maintain discipline and avoid distractions. However, it’s important to acknowledge that none of us are perfect and from time to time we will fall short. Try not to be hard on yourself when this happens and just take a moment of reflection and you will be surprised what you will learn about yourself.

Well, this has been fun! I think I’ll leave it here for now. But before I finish up, I would just like to leave you with my favourite verse that Mum taught me when I was in kindergarten.

I can do all things, through Christ who gives me strength.

Phillipians 4:13

Have a good week everyone and catch you next time!

…

Wow! Thanks Tim for sharing your experiences – we as your parents also got an insight into your life at uni! We thank God you learnt your lessons – learning is a life long process – keep learning!

This is not the end; we are happy that Tim has agreed to come back later to share more experiences and lessons learnt to date, as he pursues a flourishing career, winning a number of awards in the process. We are so proud of his achievements to date. Watch this space.

Thanks to our two guest bloggers, Nomsa and Tim. A reminder of our statement when we started this Parenting section:

Parenting is the most challenging and the most rewarding job in the world. It is hard work.

Next week Wim and I are back as we share our experiences of how we prepared and are enjoying our Empty Nest.