The Rest of the Wedding Day

We have just been married. Welcome! We are excited that you have joined us on this journey.

If this is your first visit on our blog, for a bit of the background and the journey so far, we would suggest that you read first blog post, The Meeting, Ndine musikana wangu (I got myself a girl), Dating & Courtship , Meeting the Families , Cultural Hurdles, FAQ & Wedding Preparations, The Wedding Day Part 1 and The Wedding Day Part 2 For introduction of our family and categories of topics to be covered please visit the About Us page.

In the last week’s blog post, The Wedding Day Part 2, we covered the first three lessons we learnt in our marraige, these starting right on our weedding day. Now we continue…

It was time to go for some photos. We drove to Harare Gardens, some 4 miles away. The gardens, situated in the northern part of the city centre, normally had beautiful flowers throughout the year. Wim would walk through park daily on her way to work and took note of the nice spots. The gardens had a number of water features and well manicured lawns that would provide good backgrounds for photographs.

Reception

When we got back to the reception hall, it was already packed inside, and people had started eating. There was an overflow of guests, so others had to eat outside the hall.

We were served as soon as we took our seats on the high table – this was our first meal since very early in the morning. More importantly, it was our first meal as a newly wedded couple.

It was then time for the presents/gifts; Zimbabwean style. This is normally the highlight of a wedding reception. What a sight it was! The two sides were “competing” against each other in accumulating gifts and of course accompanied by dance – The Nyabanis vs The Mpofus. There was a lot of banter as the two families “competed”. Guests joined along in the celebration.

Gifts started flooding in starting with both sets of parents. At most weddings in Zimbabwe most of the gifts are announced. Next were our siblings coming in with their gifts. What a show it was. The generous gifts included two plane tickets to Victoria Falls for our honeymoon. Our respective churches brought their gifts and then the floor was open for everyone else to give their gifts.

The Nyabanis were singing “KwaNyabani kunogaiwa mari, semapepa” (The Nyabani are in charge of machines that print money) and “Nyabani zesa, kwaitamutinhimira wemaoresa” (There is something splendid happening at the Nyabanis)

As the day concluded, it was time to find out who had won the friendly “competition” of accumalating gifts. After tallying, the Nyabanis had slightly beaten the Mpofus to come up tops.

Wim and I were pleasantly surprised at the total amount of money and presents people had given us on our wedding day. It was a show of pure love towards us. The Nyabanis gave generously – their total gifts were several times the roora/lobola I had paid several months earlier.

As the total amount was announced the Mpofus then broke into song “Jabu wedu, shoko, shoko; muchamuona achibuda; arimukati memaruva; Jabu wedu shoko shoko” (Our Jabu is now a rich man, you shall see him walk out among the flowers), followed by “Naye Vimbai uyu, naye kuChinhoyi, kaverevere; vanosara vachichema, isu taenda kuChinhoyi” (We have come to take Wim with us to Chinhoyi – you will remain crying for her while we take her to Chinhoyi)

Lesson 4: Be generous. Family and friends taught us this valuable lesson from the beginning of our relationship, to the wedding day and even until today. By God’s grace, we have done and continue to do our best to extend same generosity to our family, friends and even strangers.

We appreciated all the gifts that we got; we were amazed by people’s generosity and goodwill – some of the people who gave gifts were poor people, but so much rich in love. As Nomsa always says “Sharing is caring”. Reflecting on our lives, we have been beneficiaries of people’s generosity from our separate childhoods. We have committed that our family will be a generous family – we have done our best to impress the same principles on Tim and Nomsa.

Naye kuChinhoyi

Now it was time to take my new wife back home to Chinhoyi. According to our culture, a new wife had to be accompanied to her new husband’s home. Wim’s aunty (Ambuya), her best girl, younger sister, her younger brother and cousin accompanied her on this occasion. Ambuya was the one who had come with Wim when she came to Chinhoyi to meet my family earlier on.

Looking at the size of the travelling party planning to go to Chinhoyi, Wim’s other brother offered to assist with transport which we happily accepted. It was now getting dark so we had to leave quickly as he had to drive back immediately after dropping off the people in Chinhoyi.

We arrived in Chinhoyi late at night, but that did not dampen the spirits. My family, friends and neighbours who proceeded ahead of us were waiting for us. There was ululating and dancing as we got off our cars. Mum and my sisters had made preparations to welcome everyone. Food was quickly served for all guests.

Everyone was happy – absolutely elated. I couldn’t believe how well and smooth the day had turned out. Now I have brought my wife to my home; the home where I was born; where I had lost my mum. It was a very special occasion.

My Dad, as the patriarch of our family, who had became a Christian some four years earlier, prayed for all of us before everyone retired for bed. When praying, he used to talk to God as if he was talking to a friend. He concluded his prayer, with some broken Shona in his Ndebele accent “Handiti kuona munhu anonetsa muroora wangu” (I don’t want to see anyone who harasses my daughter-in-law). What a prayer and a blessing that was. This prayer did mark the welcoming of Wim to be a Mpofu.

As we entered our bedroom for the first time, it was our opportunity to reflect on the day that had just ended. We were both extremely exhausted after a long day – but very, very happy.

Wim’s reflections

“I had just married my best friend and I had the best day of my life. Now I was a Mpofu. It was hard to say good-bye to my Mum and Dad, and my siblings. As I bid farewell to them, I couldn’t hold back my tears; it was truly a bittersweet moment. I was very happy and looked forward to the new phase of our lives – Chinhoyi, here I come”.

We were awoken by a knock on the door very early in the morning. Ambuya wanted to inform me that the traditional cultural chores – sweeping the yard and preparing face bath water for all the Mpofus, had started, as per our culture. (I was not expected to take part as culturally, on this day I was VIP).

The face bath service involved preparing warm water and giving to your husband’s family. It is a token to introduce yourself to them as someone who has come to live alongside them. The family in turn would give money in appreciation of the service which Ambuya and her helpers would take and share amongst themselves.

The face bathing service was also extended to all of Jabu’s mentors and that lady who sponsored his Youth Bible Conference trip, in their own homes.

Ambuya and her team then prepared a meal for the Mpofus; we had brought our own ingredients as per culture. It was a festive environment with people reflecting on the events of the previous day.

After the meal, it was time for Ambuya and her party to return back to Harare.

We had asked one of Jabu’s mentors to oversee the money received on the wedding day. Mid morning on Monday, the mentor came to the house with the money – a lot of money. He must have picked up from our reaction that we didn’t know what to do with it. He offered to take the money to the bank for us, of which we quickly accepted. We asked him to take 10% of the money to church as a tithe, appreciating God’s blessing for our new home.

Later that day Jabu and I left for Harare as we were scheduled to fly out to Victoria Falls for our honeymoon the following day. When we got into our new flat, it felt so nice that this was now our new home. All the wedding presents had been piled on the floor. It was not long before we started opening some of the presents and reading the beautiful messages in the cards.

Lesson 5: Managing the cost of a wedding. Our wedding preparations were quite modest. We didn’t take on any debts to fund our wedding. This was largely due to support of our family and friends. (Thank you once again). As we were preparing for our wedding, we had decided that the purpose of our wedding was not to show off or compete with other previous weddings of our friends and peers.

To those planning a wedding, we advise that you work hard, save up as much as you can and do your best to spend within your means. Don’t forget that the wedding day is just one day, the main part is what comes after the wedding day i.e. the marriage. You don’t want to be stuck in debt for several years after the event.

In Zimbabwe, we think that it may be highly possible to have a debt free wedding. However, in the UK (and other western countries), the cost of a wedding is very high and it may be a challenge to have a debt free wedding. We want to compile a list of helpful tips on how to reduce the cost of a modern day wedding. We would kindly invite you to send us, in confidence, some tips you have found useful, read about or even sharing your own experience. Please use the Contact Us form. We will share these tips as part of next week’s blog.

Jabu and I had talked and read about marriage and relationships but there is nothing that can be compared with the actual experience itself. Now it was time for us to start living the life – the married life. What a better way to start than with a honeymoon. Next week’s blog will cover The Honeymoon and Early Days of Marriage. By the way also next week Wednesday is our 30th Wedding Anniversary! Praise the Lord.