Welcome back. We are now on the third and final part of the eight Ingredients of a Happy Family. So far, we have covered:
- Commitment (putting family first)
- Effective Communication (active listening is a skill that we all need)
- Love (by now you know the love language for each family member)
- Appreciation (not taking each other for granted)
- Respect (every member of the family needs respect)
- Forgiveness (the one granting forgiveness benefits more)
If this is your first time here, we extend a very warm welcome to you. We suggest that you read our previous blog posts on this link Previous Blog Posts, to give you some background information and how we got to this point.
Now we go for the final two ingredients as per our experience. Please read until the end as there is an activity for you and your family.
Belief & Value System
As mentioned in an earlier blog, Wim and I met at a Bible Conference. Faith in God has been the foundation that we built on. This has helped shape our value system. It helped us set boundaries to our relationship from the beginning and as it grew.
We believe that as young people court with the intention to marry, the question of faith should be seriously discussed. Be sober as you discuss it. When two young hearts are madly in love with each other, they may feel that this is not an important subject, but from our experience, it is key. If you are from different faiths or have different value systems, consider how your children (if you are planning to have some) will be raised.
On the religious front, raising children in Zimbabwe was a lot easier as our children’s friends and peers also went to church. The Pathfinders group (a club similar to Scouts) was the place where the children would socialize and learn new life skills. On reflection we greatly appreciate all those teachers and instructors who taught our children during those formative years.
As we explained earlier, we were nervous about how relocating to the UK would impact the spiritual development of our children. As we surveyed the new environment, we indeed realized that we faced a formidable task. Wim and I continued to live our Christian values at home and outside and thereby set examples for our children. We have always tried to teach and train our children and Wim led in that so well. She was and continues to be a great mother to Tim and Nomsa.
In the UK, we would go for Wednesday prayer meeting together with our children. After many months, Tim and Nomsa asked the question “Dad why are we the only children coming to the Wednesday Prayer meeting?” (Back in Zimbabwe, there will be a lot more young than old people at the mid-week prayers). Wim and I reflected on this deep question.
We discovered that indeed the prayer meeting was not meeting the needs of our young children and they felt that they did not belong. We tried to reach out to other parents with similar age children; we discovered that for some families, due to mid-week commitments, Wednesday was not a good day for them and their children. We, as a group of parents, then came up with a Friday evening meeting for the young people. The topics to be discussed were young people focused. Tim and Nomsa stopped going for Wednesday Prayer meetings and attended the Friday evening meetings instead.
As the young children grew through their teenage years, they faced challenges of their own. Our prayer has always been that we help them develop their own faith rather than rely on mine and/or Wim’s – we found it not to be easy. When Nomsa indicated that she wanted to be baptized, I volunteered to teach the baptismal class.
We always welcomed any questions on faith and also made them free to voice any doubts and/or concerns they had with faith. I remember at one time on a one to one with Tim, he mentioned “Dad, you always talk about God and how He has worked in your life. I don’t seem to see or feel the same. I also need a testimony (story on how God has led me)” Wow! What a remark. I agreed – he needed his own testimony. I find the quotation below so true on the challenges the young people face.
Many, especially those who are young in the Christian life, are at times troubled with the suggestions of skepticism. There are in the Bible many things which they cannot explain, or even understand, and Satan employs these to shake their faith in the Scriptures as a revelation from God. They ask, “How shall I know the right way? If the Bible is indeed the word of God, how can I be freed from these doubts and perplexities?”
God never asks us to believe, without giving sufficient evidence upon which to base our faith. His existence, His character, the truthfulness of His word, are all established by testimony that appeals to our reason; and this testimony is abundant. Yet God has never removed the possibility of doubt. Our faith must rest upon evidence, not demonstration. Those who wish to doubt will have opportunity; while those who really desire to know the truth will find plenty of evidence on which to rest their faith. Steps to Christ
We agreed a plan of how we can support him to realise this. God did not disappoint. As shared in a previous blog we have seen how God’s Hand has since led both Tim and Nomsa in their lives.
As we approach any key decision in all our lives, we pray and fast as a family seeking God’s guidance. As soon as the prayer has been answered we quickly highlight to each other how God has answered that specific prayer – and we offer thanksgiving prayer. As a result we, as a family, have been making note of all answered prayers. When the children come to visit or we go down to visit them, we ALWAYS reflect on how the Lord has been answering our prayers. In the process we will be counting our blessings.
A family that prays together, stays together
As shared earlier in these “series”, as family members we may all be at different stages on our spiritual journey, we should support and encourage each other on this journey as long as we are moving in the same direction.
There may be some people who are reading this who do not believe in God or belong to any religion. We would encourage you to look at your own value system and see how best that system can help you achieve happiness in your home.
Play Together
We believe that Play is the glue that sticks the family together. Family life should be fun. A home should be a place where people laugh. When I met Jabu for the first time on our way to Nyazura, he appeared to be a very quiet and reserved person. It didn’t take long for me to realise that he was so much fun and had a great sense of humour. I just enjoyed his company.
We encourage young people as they date and court, to deliberately schedule time for fun.
Home life can be dreary at times – chores, work, homework and more chores. In our family we deliberately created time for fun – and it didn’t have to cost anything. We work with what we had. Children enjoy it when parents join in their games – their ball games, skipping rope etc. We participated in “chimuhwande hwande” (aka hide and seek). I remember Jabu used to provide entertainment at our children’s birthdays with his special dance. We also travelled with our fun – one day we are playing “chigubhu perere” in Nzwazi (Gwanda), the next time we are playing ball in Nyanga.
It is important that you do things that you all enjoy. As children grow the games change – the children may take turns to decide what type of games or activities the family is involved in. In our family we have settled for Nomsa as the official activity planner – she is so good at it.
As the children have grown we have realised that we have to make the best of our birthdays and holidays – they come over for our birthdays and we go down to them for theirs. Recently on Jabu’s birthday we visited the Malham Cove (what a beautiful and breathtaking walk we enjoyed) and a few weeks later we were boat riding on the Thames in London for Nomsa’s birthday.
From playing dunhu/chuti (dodgeball) on the green by the Lake Windermere to racing on the beach at Lytham-St Annes. We encourage that families make time and do something together. It is mainly during play time that memories are built and everyone will treasure for a long time. We are blessed that in Preston we live near so many beautiful places where we can have fun. Most of these visits do not cost much – just fuel and of course ice creams!
One other advantage of playing together is that your family will become healthy.
You will be surprised at how much laughing takes place in our home – when the four of us are in the house and we are on song, I think even our neigbours may be surprised on what is happening. Home should be a place where family members can put down their guard and be themselves. Jabu is not a “church elder” at home. He is a hubby and a daddy and an entertainer. It helps if family members have a sense of humour.
ACTIVITY
Now that we have covered our 8 Ingredients of a Happy Family, we know there are some ingredients that you may have in your family that we have not included in our list. Can you please share with us which ones constitute YOUR eight ingredients, that are missing from our list? We would love to hear from you.
As we close this 3 part series, we want to highlight that we believe that every home can be a happy home. The members of the family (parent(s) and children) are responsible for doing their best to make their home a happy home. We believe that even if things have gone pear-shaped (wrong), things are redeemable – ALL families can get better – can be happier.
Until next time “Bye”
