Dating & Courtship

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If this is your first time here, we are happy you have taken time to read our blog. To get some background there are previous blog posts – first blog post, The Meeting, Ndine musikana wangu (I got myself a girl) and our family introduction on the About Us page.

Dating and Courtship

We were right at the very beginning of our relationship and there was a lot of ground to cover. We were both happy with what we had seen so far but needed to know more.

Dating should be about gathering data.

When someone or an organisation is about to make an important investment, they carry out due diligence to fully understand the status of things and avoid any future surprises.

We didn’t know this at the time, but on looking back this is exactly what Wim and I did.

We had openly shared our backgrounds and histories – full disclosure. We noticed that this only happened as the trust between us grew. We didn’t just disclose everything at the beginning, but gradually as the relationship developed.

Love is not blind.

During dating and courtship our eyes were wide open. We would observe how the other related to their own parents, siblings, elderly and even strangers.

We would be on the lookout for hints of kindness, caring, respectfulness, politeness etc.

One day I accompanied Wim to her church for the first time. I think word had gone around that Wim was in a relationship. That day she was the chorister – leading singing from the front of the church. She handled her nerves very well and did a splendid job.

At the end of the service Wim introduced me to a number of people. I was pleasantly surprised at how much people loved Wim; from children (she was also the church’s Pathfinder Director – like scouts group) to the elderly.

Two elderly gentlemen joked – “Young man, it looks like you have come to snatch Wimbayi away from us. We two have agreed that we are not going to let you do that without a fight”. We had a good laugh.

We had a lot of dates in different settings. At Greenwood Park, we almost had our “own” park bench as it was on the way to Wim’s place. We would also spend a lot of quality time at Harare Gardens, Harare Botanical gardens and Cleveland Dam to name a few.

Wim had a large denim handbag that she always brought to our numerous picnics. So many goodies came out of this bag – nyimo (round nuts), mbambaira (sweet potatoes), nzungu (peanuts), chips, fruits, drinks etc. There was a surprise every time. This bag just kept on giving!

We had double dates and sometimes triple dates with our friends.

We would visit different churches. We would attend church youth events together.

We also, separately, had friends who were already married and with children. We used them as our “bouncing boards” for any ideas and they took up roles as our mentors.

We sought information that would help us build our relationship, and between us we read and discussed a number of relationship books, which at times prompted us on some of the issues to discuss during our courtship.

We had regular joint devotions and prayer during our picnics.

As our relationship continued to grow, we started talking about our future together. Then no topic was out of bounce – children, handling money, where to settle etc. Things were now getting serious.

However, there was an elephant in the room, that needed to be dealt with. Jabu was a student with two more years until his course finishes. As this relationship became serious, what was his plan? Or our plan?

We discussed this candidly and agreed that any plans for marriage would have to wait until the end of his studies and him getting a job. It made sense.

One weekend, Jabu went to Chinhoyi (his hometown) to visit family. On the Monday, as expected, he was waiting outside my workplace to walk me home.

By this time, I could read Jabu’s body language and could tell that he had some exciting news to share.

“So, what’s up?” I enquired.

“I think we need to revisit our plans” Jabu responded.

“What plans?”

“We need to sit down.”

We made our way to “our bench” in Greenwood Park.

When I went to Chinhoyi, I visited my friend and mentor (a married gentleman with four children) and was updating him on my relationship with Wim and how things had progressed since the last time I had spoken to him.

“So, what are your plans, Mhofi?” (as he affectionately called me with a twist on my totem). I confided in him that we had agreed to continue with our relationship until I finish Uni, then we would progress things.

He asked me soul searching questions (as he always did) and from the discussion I concluded that in my discussion with Wim we had not considered and exhausted all available options.

My fourth year at uni was to be an industrial placement year, followed by the final year. At the time it was looking likely that I may be getting the placement in my hometown.

That would mean that for that year I would not be paying for uni accommodation as I would be staying at home. I would expect to be getting a good pay from the placement, and on top of this, I would also be receiving my university maintenance grant and loan as normal.

Wim and I discussed this “new” option in detail. We concluded that should things work out as expected, it would be possible to bring our plans forward.

We decided to pray and reflect on this as this was a massive change to our current plans. The first critical step would be to get the industrial placement slot in my home town.

The next week’s blog Meeting the Families

Activity for this week

Our fun relational ideas for this week are

1. If you are in a relationship but not yet married you can review and discuss setting boundaries and your dating/courtship activities. You may want to consider what books and other resources you may want to access as your relationship grows.

2. If you are married, this week you can arrange a date with your spouse. You may take time to reflect on the dates you had before you got married.

3. Prayer – as you may have picked up from our blogs so far. We believe in the power of prayer. Whether you are a believer or not, we would like to pray for you. If you have any prayer request about your family or relationship you would like to share with us, please drop us your prayer request on Contact Us