Reflections from the Youngest

A big welcome to our blog. This is a very special blog post … keep on reading!

If this is your first visit on our blog, for a bit of the background and the journey so far, we would suggest that you read first blog post, The Meeting, Ndine musikana wangu (I got myself a girl), Dating & Courtship , Meeting the Families , Cultural Hurdles, FAQ & Wedding Preparations, The Wedding Day Part 1 , The Wedding Day Part 2 , The Rest of the Wedding Day Honeymoon & Early Days 1, Honeymoon & Early Days 2 , Our Encounter with COVID-19, I’m Pregnant and Parenting – they don’t come with manuals, Parenting – they don’t come with manuals (cont). For introduction of our family and categories of topics to be covered please visit the About Us page.

We are excited to have our very first guest blogger. Please read until the end – there is a family challenge from our guest blogger …

Hi there! I’m Nomsa, 😊 the daughter of Jabulani and Wimbayi Mpofu. It goes without saying that I will be referring to them as Mum and Dad for the rest of this blog. I am so honoured to have been invited by them to feature on this blog and I’m super excited to be here.

I took a long time contemplating about what to write. As I was contemplating, I realised how much I have learnt from my family and I would like to share with you just the tip of an iceberg. I’m hoping to show you a little snippet into our lives and also encourage you to reflect on your own family or those closest to you to see what you have learnt/are learning from them. I am sharing this from my personal viewpoint, the viewpoint of the youngest member of the Mpofu family.

The Mpofu’s, also known as the Jabulanis, include Mum, Dad, my brother Tim, and myself. We really enjoy spending time together, and oh my goodness do we love to talk! If you were to stand outside our house on one of our chatty evenings, you may think they were at least 10 people in the house!  This of course can lead to a lot of loudness, but we really do love it!

In the current pandemic, physical time together, of course, has been more difficult to accomplish but we have been having plenty of video chats on WhatsApp. It almost feels like we are physically together. I remember one night we got so carried away and we had so much to share with each other that we started having separate conversations at the same time. Mum and I on one topic and Dad and Tim on a completely different subject. It obviously didn’t work and was very confusing, but it made us giggle how natural this was for us to do.

Today I want to go through what I have learnt from every individual of my bubbly, chatty and loud family. After all God gave us family, not just for companionship but also for character building, helping us to be the best we can be.

What I’ve learnt from Mum

With the energy that we all bring to the household, you can imagine that we often need someone to calm us down. Mum plays this crucial role; she is the peacemaker in our household. She really takes the time to listen and understand each person and their thoughts and actions. When conversations get heated, she can always see the perspective of each person involved and encourages us to understand also. I want to be like her in this way, seeking first to understand before I am understood.

Mum also has taught me the importance of making the time for those things which are important. When I was in primary school, mum sacrificed work opportunities to work around my schedule so she could drop me off at school and pick me up. During this time, we spent a lot of quality time together on our car journeys. She casually, but intentionally shared so much about God’s love for me. We would listen to sermons and songs from some Zimbabwean cassettes. I would happily listen and sing along, and this not only solidified my faith but also helped me maintain some of my culture and language. Mum was the one who taught me to sing and harmonize in those car rides; she would sing soprano and I would carefully follow her along in alto to make a beautiful melody.

We also spent a lot of time together in the kitchen, though I used to begrudgingly go, I really have wonderful memories in the kitchen. Mum and I would chat away as she gradually taught me how create delicious meals. In the kitchen Mum has this amazing ability to teach object lessons through everything. One example that sticks in my head was one Christmas day when she taught me the importance of perseverance in prayer whilst whipping cream for my banoffee pie. No matter how much I whipped my cream it wouldn’t stiffen, just as I was about to give up, I gave it one more try, and it suddenly stiffened. “It’s just like prayer, you shouldn’t give up, you never know when you might get an answer” she said casually.

These are just a handful of the attributes I would like to nurture in myself too as I continue to grow.

What I’ve learnt from Dad

“To a child love is spelled t-i-m-e”. Dad loves this quote, and it makes sense because he really lives by it. Dad takes every opportunity to spend time with me and that makes me feel really valued and loved. He affectionately calls me “Sweeto”.

Back in my university days as the new semester was starting, Dad and I would leave Preston at 5am and make the 5/6 hour journey to Brighton. I would always make sure to stay awake because I didn’t want Dad to be driving “alone”. It paid off – these journeys were amazing! We had the best chats about everything and anything. After Dad dropped me off at uni at about 11am by 11:30/12:00 he would be back on the motorway heading back home, another 6-hour drive. Now as a driver, I find it difficult to understand how he physically did this, but sure enough he did. It showed me that he loved my company, he wanted to spend time with me, and would sacrifice sleep and comfort just for me.

Even during the pandemic, we are still making time for father daughter dates. I love Korean dramas and I once asked Dad to watch a series or two with me. Surprisingly, he said yes, and we have now made it a nice habit. Whilst we are in different cities we go online together and hit the play button at the same time with our video calls on, this way we can watch and react together. It’s a lot of fun and great way to spend time together. I love how he took the time to dive into my interests also without any reservations. What a cool Dad eyyy. 

In our household I believe I may very well be the most emotional. It often works out that when I’ve had a tough day and I have a call with Dad it all just comes out. On both my bad and good days Dad is always there to listen. He has really put up with a lot of my sobbing over the years. He doesn’t try to solve anything or give profound advice in that moment; he just listens and lets me offload. After each of these moments I always feel so much better. I really appreciate how open and vulnerable I can be with him.

Mum often says that Dad and I are just way too similar. Because of this there are times when we don’t always agree and struggle to see each others perspective. (Mum comes in handy in these situations as noted above) But my Dad is the humblest person I know. Even when he is clearly in the right, after those hard conversations he still reaches out the hand of reconciliation first. He has taught me the importance of taking time to reflect, evaluating my behaviours, and saying those very difficult words, “I was wrong” and “I am sorry”.

What I’ve learnt from Tim

Tim and I are so similar and yet so different! I love talking about Tim because just thinking about him makes me so happy. Even with all our differences we really do get on like a house on fire and I couldn’t ask for a better brother. I am grateful to Mum and Dad because I think they have taught us through their actions how to love each other. I think Tim may just be the most talkative out of all four of us, and that’s saying something. We could have a conversation for 3 hours and it would feel like 10 minutes!

I appreciate how my brother makes time for me; when I need him, he is there. Whether it’s a quick call asking how the phrase an important email, help with revision, or just to chat, he makes the time. I like how, when I need a place to stay in London, whether it’s for an interview, a flight or another appointment, I can just ask Tim to spend a night or two at his studio apartment and he makes it happen.

During a time when I was having some interviews in London, Tim would open his place to me and would help me with last minute preparations whilst effortlessly keeping me calm. This is a big ask because I do tend to worry but my brother knows exactly what to say and do to keep me calm. Even I don’t know how he does but his presence is just so reassuring to me. If there is anyone I know will  always be in my corner cheering me on, celebrating every success as well as lifting me up when it doesn’t go according to plan, it’s my brother.

Tim has taught me how to be generous, not only with my resources but also with my time, skills and love.  I want to be generous just like him.

Another thing that I have learnt about Tim, in the past few years especially, is how much he listens, like really listen. Tim and I are often having our debates and really challenging our thought processes and ideas. At the end of the conversation, I would be convinced Tim made up his mind and was unmoveable on his point, so naturally we would agree to disagree and move on. Then, months or even years down the line, Tim will accurately quote our conversation word for word and state how he has been pondering it and how his thoughts have shifted. It always amazes me. I want to be more like Tim in this way, to constantly be analysing my thoughts and not afraid to change my mind.

After one of my achievements one day, Tim, who is 4 years older than me, made a funny joke in our family group chat and said “When I grow up, I want to be like Nomsa.” Well, that’s ironic because when I “grow up” I want to be like Tim, Dad and Mum.

I am so grateful to God for giving me this family. Family life is not always easy, these are the people who see you at your best and at your worst but are still stuck with you. They know you fully and still love you deeply.

This week’s challenge

I challenge you this week to go through the people in your family or those closest to you and take some time to write down what you have learnt from each of them. Reflect on how God has placed these people in your life and how they have helped you in becoming the person you are today.

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Wow! Thank you Nomsa for such an inspiring blog post.

Tim is not going to be left out – he has agreed to write next week’s blog post. I bet you wouldn’t want to miss it!

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