Honeymoon & Early Days 2

Thank you very much for all your messages, flowers, gifts and love you shared with us as we celebrated our Pearl Anniversary. With the current COVID-19 restrictions we spent some quality time and enjoyed a takeaway at home.

It was also time for us to reflect on how gracious God has been to us for the past 30 years.

Thank you once again for joining us on this journey.

If this is your first visit on our blog, for a bit of the background and the journey so far, we would suggest that you read first blog post, The Meeting, Ndine musikana wangu (I got myself a girl), Dating & Courtship , Meeting the Families , Cultural Hurdles, FAQ & Wedding Preparations, The Wedding Day Part 1 , The Wedding Day Part 2 , The Rest of the Wedding Day and Honeymoon & Early Days 1. For introduction of our family and categories of topics to be covered please visit the About Us page.

We finished last week’s blog when we were at Victoria Falls airport…

As we responded to the message on the airport’s intercom, we were met at the information desk by a gentleman who introduced himself. He was a friend of our wedding MC and friend who worked as a hotel manager at one of the hotels in Victoria Falls.

Apparently, our MC had called him and informed him of our planned honeymoon. He offered us a lift to our accommodation and as we drove past his hotel, he invited us to come for a meal on any one of the days during our stay. He also gave us a detailed list of the “must sees” during our one week stay.

We settled in our chalet. The Zambezi River was flowing quietly just some 200 metres away. We walked down towards the river. There was a team of warthogs feeding nearby.

Whilst it was self-catering accommodation, there were staff who came to do the washing up and cleaning of the chalet every day. The place was kept to a high level of cleanliness and we showed our appreciation to the gentleman who was looking after our chalet.

The whole week was loaded with activities – we went on a Safari into the Victoria Falls National Park; unfortunately we did not see a lot of wild animals on the safari. We were at least expecting the big five but saw none, just small game.

We didn’t have long to wait as later that day we got on a sunset cruise on the Zambezi River, and there we saw the elephants and hippos.

We hired some bicycles as our accommodation was not near to the town centre; we attended church on Saturday where we met the hotel manager who happened to attend the same church.

The highlight of course, was the visit to the magnificent Victoria Falls – known to the locals as Mosi-oa-Tunya (The smoke that thunders). The “smoke” is the mist and spray from the world’s largest waterfall and the “thunder” is from the noise of this fall – over 1.6km long sheet of water falling down more than 100 metres.

As David Livingstone wrote in his diary, of the falls when he saw this natural wonder for the first time, “scenes so lovely must have been gazed upon by angels in their flight”.

It was Wim’s first time at the Victoria Falls but it was my second – some years earlier I had come with a group of youths for a Pathfinder Camporee.

Every time you visit the Victoria Falls it feels different and you feel so enchanted. Since our honeymoon we have been back there twice with our children, with most recent occasion being when we returned to visit Zimbabwe from the UK. Different times of the year provide different scenes.

We spent a romantic time together during our stay in our chalet by the Zambezi River, during our honeymoon; eating out some times and also preparing our own homecooked meals.

We took the hotel manager’s offer for a meal on our last day in Victoria Falls. Incidentally we would take the shuttle to the airport from his hotel. What a meal it was – a buffet and the hospitality we received was second to none.

When we landed back in Harare, Babamukuru (Tete’s husband from earlier blogs) came to pick us up from the airport. We were so exhausted from the one week of activity and great fun.

The next day something happened that would teach us another lesson that we have carried to this day. Wim woke up early to do some laundry – it had been almost two weeks since the laundry had been done. There were a lot of clothes – all the best clothes she had; the ones she had worn in the runup to the wedding, the ones she wore in Chinhoyi after our wedding and at the honeymoon.

She put them outside on the washing line to dry. Mid-afternoon when she went to bring the clothes in, they were all gone – all except mine. Just vanished – all hers were gone.

Checking with the neighbours confirmed that none of them had taken her clothes in error. The conclusion was that a thief had come and stolen all of Wim’s clothes from the washing line. She had to start rebuilding her wardrobe.

Lesson 6 – Do not be attached to material things.

Throughout our marriage, we have lost things that were dear to us. In Zimbabwe we had two burglaries; on both occasions we were fast asleep inside the house. At one time the thieves entered our bedroom and took my wallet from my bedside table and stole the money. As a family we felt so much afraid and vulnerable for a number of days if not weeks after the incident. We thanked God for His protection.

The most painful of the burglaries was when the thieves stole amongst other things our wedding VHS video. We managed to get a copy of the video from family members – though the quality was not the same as the original.

In the UK we had one burglary, where we suspected that the thieves stole the second copy of the wedding video – we have looked high and low since the burglary, and cannot find it.

Now we don’t have a copy of our wedding video. The family members who used to have copies now no longer have them after 30 years.

Another incident that tested our attachment to material things occured on 4 September 2013, here in the UK . I had just got back to work after my lunch break, when I got the phone call “Dad our house is on fire!!”. “Nomsa, what happened?” “Come, Daddy, come…”.

By the time I got home, there were three fire engines on our street and there was smoke billowing out of the top of our house roof and other neighbour roofs.

We live in a terraced property and fire started in a neighbour’s roof loft and then spread to our house and other houses. I remember looking at Tim, he didn’t even get time to get his shoes as he left the house running away from the fire – he had only his shorts and socks.

As we looked on, there were our belongings and important documents going up in smoke. It was so painful to look on – it was hurting but none of us shed a tear. Thank God, the firemen managed to contain the fire in the loft and ceiling, which was extensively damaged. None of our belongings were burnt – all the important documents (passports, certificates and other documents were spared). We felt God’s protection of our property.

We had to seek alternative accommodation for 6 months as repairs were being done to our fire damaged house. Thankfully our house insurance covered both these costs. We will talk more about insurances when we cover family finances.

Back to our early days. We had to learn to adjust to our new life. When I was at uni, Wim and I used to see each other almost every day, but just for a couple of hours. Now we were seeing each other all the time, 24/7– in each other’s face all the time.

Actually we liked it and enjoyed spending every minute with each other. There was also need for simple adjustments to be done – even agreeing which side of the bed one would sleep on. After a couple of tries, we settled and thirty years later, we stick to that same side of the bed!

At every opportunity in our early days, I used to accompany Wim to work every morning and also walk her home from work – we just continued with our custom. Even these days, when Wim is working on a weekend or bank holiday, I offer to give her a lift to work and pick her up after her shift, rather than for her to drive.

Whilst it may cost double the normal cost of travel, we feel this is a worthy investment into our marriage as we spend the time talking and laughing; and she gets to work with less stress from driving.

Sometimes when Wim is off work she says, “I am going shopping – can I wait for you to finish work and we can go together?” We have continued to do things together.

As we started our new life, we thanked God that our financial situation had exceeded our expectations due to family and friends’ generous wedding gifts which gave us a great start.

We knew we had to live frugally though as I still had my final year at uni to do. Wim was the main bread winner in our new and young home. We started budgeting – putting into practice all the things we had learned during courtship.

We bought our first basic pieces of furniture – bed, sofas, electric cooking stove and a fridge/freezer. It felt so good to look at all these items and know that they were ours. We had more than enough kitchen utensils from Wim’s kitchen party and also from the wedding presents.

Lesson 7: All our things belong to both of us.

One important thing we put in place early on was that everything belonged to both of us. It was now our flat, our money, our uni maintenance grant, our everything. This has continued up to date.

We do have joint bank accounts and individual bank accounts as well – each of us has access to each other’s individual bank accounts. We know each other’s passwords for everything – email accounts, bank accounts, investment accounts, mobile phone pin numbers etc. Because of this arrangement, it requires that we consult each other before financial decisions are made.

Our personal arrangement requires discipline and trust. For example, it will not work if either of us is engaged in impluse buying or is reckless with money. We have made our own mistakes on buying unnecessary stuff and will share that with you later; but we made these purchases together.

We know that our arrangement may not suit all couples; therefore we suggest that you discuss this preferably, during your courtship – on how to handle your money. During courtship keep your eyes open to notice and frankly discuss each other’s attitude towards money.

If you are already married, we encourage you discuss this and come with an arrangement that works for you. Read about it and come up with a plan for your marriage. Be aware that finances are an area that causes so much conflict and disputes in families.

We welcome your comments and feedback on the lessons we have shared here with you. Please share this blog with family and friends.

In next week’s blog we will start to cover a topic so dear to our hearts – our children! Title of the blog post is “I’m pregnant!”. We bet you do not want to miss this as we share our experiences of how we got to this point and our thought process. We can’t wait!